Tuesday, April 30, 2019

Anxiety



Image result for Viper

A viper lives curled
at the base of my skull
ready to strike at
any cotton candy thoughts
that may step with
light feet
across the rat trap paper
of my mind.

In this desert
fish lay gasping in
wide open spaces
with thorny roots
wrapped around their throats
and sun on tanned faces
praying for
rain to drizzle on barren land.

Red wine spills
on white carpets
and in the back of my mind
the viper hisses
in disappointment
that it is not me.


6 comments:

  1. That first section is so vivid and attention grabbing. I never know what to say about poetry, but I lingered over this and read it several times. It feels strong. Nice work.

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    1. I have a tough time with poetry critiques as well. I'm glad you liked it though.

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  2. I'm delighted to see poetry on the nonfiction grid! You did a lovey job with the imagery here -- there's a clear sense of barrenness and desert. The one word I stumbled on was "lay". Because the first stanza is in present tense ("A viper lives..."), the word "lay" in the second line of the second stanza felt out of place -- I kept trying to put it in the past tense (lie-lay-have lain). It may be worth considering that particular word choice for flow and clarity if you rework this poem.

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    1. Thanks for the advice. I struggled a lot with the last stanza, and I think it could be vastly improved with outside observation.

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  3. Like Myna, I don't know what to comment on poetry, but this made me feel something. The viper ready to strike at cotton candy thoughts is such a strong image! I really liked this.

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