Wednesday, May 1, 2019

Kolmanskop

Image result for Spring carts

Mr. Coleman’s spring cart was stuck in the sand just outside a small town deep in the Nabian desert.  He came to strike it rich in African diamonds, but by fall the town would be gone.  The gold rush had moved to the coast.









*This is my first ever attempt at Microprose, so feedback is especially appreciated*
 

11 comments:

  1. An opportunity lost. The stuck cart has a way of forecasting . Liked the subtle way you have put it.

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  2. I really enjoyed this. How the cart getting stuck shows Mr. Coleman's fate is a great touch.

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    1. I'm glad you enjoyed it. The history of the town is really fascinating.

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  3. I love how much story is told here in so few words. It sounds like the intro paragraph to a novel. I did wonder if "Nabian" was a misspelling of "Nubian Desert" or maybe "Namibian desert" but it didn't take away from the piece.

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    1. It was totally supposed to be Namibian. Proof reading for the...win?

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  4. I like the brevity of this sliver of life. In three sentences you've created a world for the reader.

    The gold rush had moved to the coast.
    "Had moved" is passive. You could be changed the phrase to "moved" to make for a stronger declarative sentence. If Mr. Coleman could strikes it rich in diamonds, then why would it matter if the gold rush moved away? As Jen above said, geography matters.

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    1. Even in 44 word stories "had" is still my nemesis. Thanks you for the feedback, it was a very interesting exersize.

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  5. You did a nice job of conveying the impermanence of prospecting towns, and the suddenness with which people left. I'm unfamiliar with "Nabian desert" though. Is that a real place, or a place in your imagination?

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    1. It was supposed to be Namibian, but I lost an 'm'. But yes, it is a real place.

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  6. Poor unfortunate Mr. Coleman. Great image of the cart getting stuck and implying that Mr. Coleman himself was just as stranded.

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