Kolmanskop

Image result for Spring carts

 Mr. Coleman’s spring cart was stuck in the sand just outside a small town deep in the Nabian desert.  He came to strike it rich in African diamonds, but by fall the town would be gone.  The gold rush had moved to the coast.









*This is my first ever attempt at Microprose, so feedback is especially appreciated*
 

Comments

  1. kalpana solsiMay 1, 2019 at 6:32 PM

    An opportunity lost. The stuck cart has a way of forecasting . Liked the subtle way you have put it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. HemaMay 1, 2019 at 10:59 PM

    I really enjoyed this. How the cart getting stuck shows Mr. Coleman's fate is a great touch.

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    Replies
    1. KB BaltzMay 2, 2019 at 11:46 AM

      I'm glad you enjoyed it. The history of the town is really fascinating.

      Delete
  3. JenMay 2, 2019 at 7:01 AM

    I love how much story is told here in so few words. It sounds like the intro paragraph to a novel. I did wonder if "Nabian" was a misspelling of "Nubian Desert" or maybe "Namibian desert" but it didn't take away from the piece.

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    Replies
    1. KB BaltzMay 2, 2019 at 11:45 AM

      It was totally supposed to be Namibian. Proof reading for the...win?

      Delete
  4. TigerKnitsMay 2, 2019 at 8:55 AM

    I like the brevity of this sliver of life. In three sentences you've created a world for the reader.

    The gold rush had moved to the coast.
    "Had moved" is passive. You could be changed the phrase to "moved" to make for a stronger declarative sentence. If Mr. Coleman could strikes it rich in diamonds, then why would it matter if the gold rush moved away? As Jen above said, geography matters.

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    Replies
    1. KB BaltzMay 2, 2019 at 11:45 AM

      Even in 44 word stories "had" is still my nemesis. Thanks you for the feedback, it was a very interesting exersize.

      Delete
  5. AshaMay 2, 2019 at 12:54 PM

    You did a nice job of conveying the impermanence of prospecting towns, and the suddenness with which people left. I'm unfamiliar with "Nabian desert" though. Is that a real place, or a place in your imagination?

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    Replies
    1. KB BaltzMay 2, 2019 at 1:03 PM

      It was supposed to be Namibian, but I lost an 'm'. But yes, it is a real place.

      Delete
  6. LaissezFaireMay 2, 2019 at 5:37 PM

    Poor unfortunate Mr. Coleman. Great image of the cart getting stuck and implying that Mr. Coleman himself was just as stranded.

    ReplyDelete

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