Alcoholism
Poison,
drips down.
Tastes like honey.
Ifiritah
“Does each move really have a meaning?” “Yes, my dear.” “What’s the significance of that hip movement?" Her dark eyes laughed even as she shook her head in disapproval. “Silly daughter, you will understand soon. But now you do not need to know, you just need to learn. Now, again. Step, hip, step, hip, step, around. Yes, good. Don’t forget your hands.” I followed her in a poor imitation. My mother was teaching me the Tanoura. She gracefully moved from step to step in a circle around me, hips shimmying and feet stomping out a beat. Her dress swirled around her like a sandstorm. I had come into my womanhood and tonight we would go into the desert and celebrate with all the women of my family. I would dance for the first time and become part of our tribe’s sisterhood. Step, hip, step, hip, step, around. Don’t forget my hands. Step, heel, step, around, hip, hip, hip. Again, and again until my legs shook with exhaustion, and sweat dripped off my sun-darkened brows.
I really liked the structure and imagery you've presented here. Moving from poison to honey emphasised the softening, the dripping. Without the title though, this poem has a very broad scope. I didn't read the title initially and I was torn between reading this literally ( someone was being poisoned -- homicide or suicide) and metaphorically (someone's cruel words were coated in honey). It'd be cool to tweak this a little to see if you can convey the alcoholism without the title.
ReplyDeleteI liked this. I was going to say the same as Asha, without the title the poem might not have had the same meaning. I have struggled with this too, the 6 word format is way harder than it looks.
ReplyDeleteI loved this piece. You’ve described alcoholism beautifully in a few words. I especially like the contrast between poison and honey.
ReplyDeleteGood piece and done well. I liked how you brought honey to indicate alcoholism dripping like poison.
ReplyDelete