This is very bleak and sad. Should it be "Red spills"? I wasn't sure what to think about the narrator cutting the tongue out while criticizing other scavengers. What makes the narrator different? Or, is the narrator the scientist? Good job and thanks for sharing!
I had the same question as Kim, wondering why the narrator mourns as he/she is cutting a piece off the dead whale? I thought the "gray on gray" imagery in the first stanza was very effective in conveying a sense of moodiness and melancholy.
After the effectiveness of the monchrome first stanza, I half-expected the second one to continue with iterations of 'red'. The varying points of view in the second stanza confused me a little.
“Does each move really have a meaning?” “Yes, my dear.” “What’s the significance of that hip movement?" Her dark eyes laughed even as she shook her head in disapproval. “Silly daughter, you will understand soon. But now you do not need to know, you just need to learn. Now, again. Step, hip, step, hip, step, around. Yes, good. Don’t forget your hands.” I followed her in a poor imitation. My mother was teaching me the Tanoura. She gracefully moved from step to step in a circle around me, hips shimmying and feet stomping out a beat. Her dress swirled around her like a sandstorm. I had come into my womanhood and tonight we would go into the desert and celebrate with all the women of my family. I would dance for the first time and become part of our tribe’s sisterhood. Step, hip, step, hip, step, around. Don’t forget my hands. Step, heel, step, around, hip, hip, hip. Again, and again until my legs shook with exhaustion, and sweat dripped off my sun-darkened brows.
Mr. Coleman’s spring cart was stuck in the sand just outside a small town deep in the Nabian desert. He came to strike it rich in African diamonds, but by fall the town would be gone. The gold rush had moved to the coast. * This is my first ever attempt at Microprose, so feedback is especially appreciated*
Sarah Whittaker hadn’t seen her husband in five years. Six months after their child was born he slipped his weathered pack over his shoulders and declared he was headed to the city to find work so his little girl could have everything he hadn’t. Sarah watched through tears as his form disappeared down the path that connected their cabin to the rest of the world. That had been the last she had seen or heard of Mr. Whittaker. Sarah waited patiently for the father of her child, but as months turned to years, she had to admit that he wasn’t coming home. It hadn’t been easy raising a girl on the frontier alone, but Sarah had done what she needed to do to make sure they didn’t go hungry, not all of which she was proud of. It was a cool day when she met Lieutenant Greg Barclay. She sat on her covered porch, tea in hand, watching as the fall leaves drifted from the trees making her long for the colors of the Northeast fall she remembered from her childhood. Remembering better days, s
This is very bleak and sad. Should it be "Red spills"? I wasn't sure what to think about the narrator cutting the tongue out while criticizing other scavengers. What makes the narrator different? Or, is the narrator the scientist? Good job and thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI had the same question as Kim, wondering why the narrator mourns as he/she is cutting a piece off the dead whale? I thought the "gray on gray" imagery in the first stanza was very effective in conveying a sense of moodiness and melancholy.
ReplyDeleteAfter the effectiveness of the monchrome first stanza, I half-expected the second one to continue with iterations of 'red'. The varying points of view in the second stanza confused me a little.
ReplyDeleteThe first stanza definitely sets a bleak and melancholic tone. I think like others, I was a little thrown with the point of view in the second stanza
ReplyDelete