This is very bleak and sad. Should it be "Red spills"? I wasn't sure what to think about the narrator cutting the tongue out while criticizing other scavengers. What makes the narrator different? Or, is the narrator the scientist? Good job and thanks for sharing!
I had the same question as Kim, wondering why the narrator mourns as he/she is cutting a piece off the dead whale? I thought the "gray on gray" imagery in the first stanza was very effective in conveying a sense of moodiness and melancholy.
After the effectiveness of the monchrome first stanza, I half-expected the second one to continue with iterations of 'red'. The varying points of view in the second stanza confused me a little.
Mr. Coleman’s spring cart was stuck in the sand just outside a small town deep in the Nabian desert. He came to strike it rich in African diamonds, but by fall the town would be gone. The gold rush had moved to the coast. * This is my first ever attempt at Microprose, so feedback is especially appreciated*
“Does each move really have a meaning?” “Yes, my dear.” “What’s the significance of that hip movement?" Her dark eyes laughed even as she shook her head in disapproval. “Silly daughter, you will understand soon. But now you do not need to know, you just need to learn. Now, again. Step, hip, step, hip, step, around. Yes, good. Don’t forget your hands.” I followed her in a poor imitation. My mother was teaching me the Tanoura. She gracefully moved from step to step in a circle around me, hips shimmying and feet stomping out a beat. Her dress swirled around her like a sandstorm. I had come into my womanhood and tonight we would go into the desert and celebrate with all the women of my family. I would dance for the first time and become part of our tribe’s sisterhood. Step, hip, step, hip, step, around. Don’t forget my hands. Step, heel, step, around, hip, hip, hip. Again, and again until my legs shook with exhaustion, and sweat d...
To the Wolf Spider Living in my Bathroom: At the dawn of time humans and spiders struck an accord of which you are currently breaking. Our ancestors swore oaths that we are expected to uphold. I have kept my end of the bargain and do well to ignore you and your kind when I encounter you outdoors. Even when one of you grows to the size of a small plate and I find you in my canoe. You greatly hastened our approach to land, and I appreciate that you were so gracious as to hide under the seat and scurried away so quickly the moment we hit dry land. It was an accident on both our parts. The accords make room for mistakes. Yet here you are, in my home and clearly in my line of sight. You flaunt yourself and your size intimidates me. You are far too large for a paper towel even if I could reach you. So here I sit wrapped in a bath towel trying to negotiate with an eight-legged terrorist. “Please,” I beg “if only you would m...
This is very bleak and sad. Should it be "Red spills"? I wasn't sure what to think about the narrator cutting the tongue out while criticizing other scavengers. What makes the narrator different? Or, is the narrator the scientist? Good job and thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI had the same question as Kim, wondering why the narrator mourns as he/she is cutting a piece off the dead whale? I thought the "gray on gray" imagery in the first stanza was very effective in conveying a sense of moodiness and melancholy.
ReplyDeleteAfter the effectiveness of the monchrome first stanza, I half-expected the second one to continue with iterations of 'red'. The varying points of view in the second stanza confused me a little.
ReplyDeleteThe first stanza definitely sets a bleak and melancholic tone. I think like others, I was a little thrown with the point of view in the second stanza
ReplyDelete